The heading was enough:
"QUESTIONS I WAS TOO AFRAID TO ASK HARRY."
I stood there until the shower stopped running.
I didn't open it.
I'd spent years believing my certainty made Samantha feel safe.
Au lieu de cela, je deviendrais la réponse qu'elle craignait.
***
Ce soir-là, je me suis excusé.
Not perfectly.
I still explained too much. I still tried to reassure her before she'd finished.
But when she asked whether I wanted to attend her next appointment, I understood it was an invitation.
I'd spent years believing.
***
Three days later, Dr. Matthews asked Samantha's permission before explaining that her advice was based on Samantha's specific condition, symptoms, and test results.
She spoke plainly. She didn't tell us how to build our family.
I had one question.
"What does Sam need from me?"
Dr. Matthews la regarda.
J'avais une question.
"That's something Samantha should answer."
I turned toward Sam.
She stared at her notebook.
"I need you to stop acting like the only tragedy is that we may not have a child."
The words landed cleanly.
"I need you to stop."
"I made your diagnosis about what I might lose," I confessed.
"You're allowed to feel a loss."
"But I'm not allowed to make you responsible for fixing it."
"No, you're not."
***
Outside, she let me hold her hand, but nothing was forgiven yet.
Pire était encore en avance.
"You're allowed to feel a loss."
***
Before the proposal, I'd told my mother my plans, and she'd arranged a family brunch.
"Cancel it," Samantha told me afterward. "Don't ask her. Tell her."
I called Mom and said we weren't coming. She argued that relatives had changed their plans and money had already been spent.
I should have held firm. Instead, I agreed we would stop by briefly.
"Don't ask her. Tell her."
***
The moment we entered, Samantha froze.
Gold balloons filled the room. Our names were written across a cake.
"Surprise!" my mother called.
"Mom, I told you not to do this."
She reached for my jacket. "At least let me see the ring."
"Ne fais pas. Il n'y a pas de bague en ce moment."
"Surprise !"
Trop tard.
She pulled out the box and lifted it.
"They finally did it!"
Relatives crowded us with questions about the wedding and children.
Samantha backed toward the door.
